It's hard to believe that it has been a year today since I was able to hold my Daddy's hand and tell him how much I love him. It seems unreal to me.
I am coming off of a fantastic week with the kids only to be entering what might be a difficult week. I am realizing that I have a terrible denial side to me. I am not sure that I have every really grieved for him. I still have his picture on the fridge and in my office. I have spent the last year getting used to looking at them without crying...until this month. Last week would have been his 60th birthday. I think I missed calling him on his birthday more than I missed him calling me on my birthday. Not sure why that would be.
But, this too shall pass. I can still hear him talking to me, mostly when I am doing to much or not taking the time out that I should to just live in the current moment. I did learn that from him. Life is about so much more than our jobs and the next place we have to be. I know that I get frustrated with the kids because I have so many self-imposed demands on my time and I am really trying to just "be". That has been a tough lesson and not one that I think I will ever master.
I love you Daddy! And to anyone else, please take care of yourself (no one else can do it for you) and treasure every moment that you have with your loved ones.
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AMEN...I feel the same way about Mema & Big John. I so miss calling them up for a chat...it's tough, guess it always will be.
ReplyDeleteYour in my thoughts- take care,
Laura
Thanks, Laura. I really did think it got easier with time and maybe it does.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Hang in there girl...the grieving process is long. Just cry when you want to. Bev and I still go out to the cemetary to visit mema and big john often. I can think about mema without crying now, but I still cry over daddy. I still have the overalls he was wearing the day he passed away hanging by my bed. It is strange how you come to feel about things....I know how you hurt.
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